The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good: I realized today that I have really awesome people in my life. They are supportive, kind, hysterically funny, and always make time for me.

The Bad: A person whom I admire (T) passed away this morning. He suffered from a brain tumor. It got me thinking about my step-father or "Poppy" and I lovingly called him. He, too, suffered from a brain tumor and passed away three years ago. I know what T's family is experiencing. The watching of a vital, full of life individual slowly decline. At first, it may be confusion...which progressively gets worse. Then comes the blank stare because they don't know who you are or even who they are. Then, that final breath.

I remember when Poppy was first diagnosed with his tumor. It was the size of a lemon behind his right eye. We didn't even know he had it! He was perfectly fine one day then the next day he showed up at home (after going to work) confused and not knowing where he was or what he was supposed to be doing. By that time, the tumor had wrapped around the optical nerve and was inoperable. Not that Poppy was going to have the surgery -- he was dead set against it. So, we continued to live our lives watching the subtle changes. Finally, his doctor told mom that hospice needed to be called in. What an amazing experience that was. The staff could not have been more gracious and helpful. When we didn't have a clue, they did. When we just needed to talk, they were there. They were so amazing, in fact, that I chose to do my practicum for my Masters Degree there. Poppy took his final breath on February 2, 2005 at 6:15 am. Ironically, that date was the date of his first wedding anniversary. Irony #2 -- that date was my father's birthday (he passed away on June 19, 2004 -- his wedding anniversary with my mother).

My heart goes out to T's family. What a wonderful, supportive, funny man. A man that you'd want in your corner. He was so talented. Rest In Peace, my friend.

The Ugly: What is your first reaction when you see someone fall? Be honest. You either want to rush over and ask how they are or burst out laughing, right? That's what I do because it's funny. Now if the person is hurt, well then, you better not laugh because then that becomes downright mean.

My mother, God love her, has experienced many hardships and medical problems in her life. For the past few years, she's been on the right track. No relapses or serious issues. So, we go to see my niece, K, in a play on Saturday afternoon. If you've ever been in K's school you know that there are three steps leading up to the auditorium. We get there, go up the steps, find out seats and enjoy Act I. Then comes intermission. I stay, mom leaves to go to the bathroom. About 10 minutes later she comes back looking flustered. She says, "Didn't you hear me screaming?" I said, "No. What the hell happened?" She says, while she's laughing hysterically, "I just fell down the steps." So, by this point, I don't know whether to burst out laughing or what. She goes on..."I just walked off of it. The next thing you know I'm screaming 'Oh, oh, oh' like I am going to catch myself. I end up spread eagle on the floor. Banged my right side all up." What a scene. She was so pissed that I wasn't there because she really wanted to know what it looked like. She said she wished she had a "movie camera" so that she could have seen it. She's ok. A little worse for the wear but she managed to come to my house today and get 4 bags of clothes that I needed to go to Goodwill. Gotta love mom! You know what happens now, right? Next time we're anywhere and she's got to go to the bathroom -- I have to go with her and hold her hand.

This is my life...................I can't make this stuff up!

From the Beginning

I have no idea what this blogging thing is all about but I figured that since I recommend journaling to my clients, I might as well start practicing what I preach. Paper and pencil are foreign to me any more as I spend most of my "life" in front of a computer typing papers, progress notes, newsletters, this and that.

Where to start. If you were a fly on the wall in my office, you'd hear my words of wisdom "at the beginning........" So, that is where I will begin (for the most part) since I have the attention span of a gnat and tend to weave the present in with the future and digress from whatever story or experience I was relating.

I think for one to truly know oneself, one must start right where they are. Present day, 2008.
I am:

• divorced
• a homeowner of two properties
• an owner of a small private counseling practice
• a youth advisor
• a daughter
• a sister
• an aunt
• a cousin
• a godmother
  
• a friend
• a teacher
• a mentor
• a trainer
• loving
• caring
• faithful
• a believer
  

How funny....of all of those things that "I am" I chose to list "divorced" as first. It's funny how we view ourselves and what we deem important. Why is being divorced the first thing I want people to know about me? Is it because I feel that I'm a "failure" and want to get that over with first because others a) will be on the look out for my perfect mate or b) will forget what was first on the list by the time they get to the end of the list? I don't know. I guess that will have to be explored further later.

Regardless of why I chose the descriptions on my list I can truly say that my life is complete and that, for now, I am content. Are there things I want? Sure. Are they things I absolutely NEED? Nope. So there you have it.

That's the present day 2008. I will continue to post. You will see that my life is filled with laughter, hilarious moments, serious moments, chaos and disorder, and just plain old good fashioned fun. Woven between all of this "stuff" is the calm and peaceful side of living.

Peace and Blessings to you.